If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
