And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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