i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
