This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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