And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My vagina is officially offended.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
