Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
