i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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