It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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