Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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