Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize