They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
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Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
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Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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