We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
