This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
