it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize