This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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