Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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