i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
