Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
he thought i was a dude.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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