best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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