You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
