I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
