I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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