i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
