does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
