K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
this just has baby written all over it
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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