And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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