I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I skipped work to stalk him.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
