when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
