I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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