please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
