So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
