I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
