So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Me too!
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
