and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
