Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
