you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
