it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
