i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My vagina is officially offended.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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