I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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