Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
