my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
