for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize
