I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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