We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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