So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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