Don't you send me to vm
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You did what with his pubic hair?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
