I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
