I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
