okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just pynch a tree in the face
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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