Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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