No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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