Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
i think im in europe. pls send help
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
