it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
