I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
