either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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