It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
