Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
