Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
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We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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