Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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