Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
