now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
