i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
