another moral hangover. fuck.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
