dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
being pregnant is like rehab
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize