Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just gargled with NyQuil
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
